My stint as a driver helper passed Wednesday last night. The pace has been rapid-fire as the cargo volume heats up closer and closer to the holidays. Deliveries number in the multiple hundreds and pickups from the major retailers at the end of the day are even more numerous. Throughout all of it, I have enjoyed the experience, despite a disagreement with a delivery cart yesterday that ripped the backside of my brown pants (more on that in another blog post.)

What has amused me the most is the constant interaction a UPS driver, or anyone in a UPS uniform like myself, receives from the general public. I’ve taken to calling them “pickup” lines. Most of them are pretty common – “What can brown do for you!”, “Whoa – HOW MANY boxes are you dropping off?!”, “Whoa – HOW MANY boxes do we have to pick up?!” (That last one was me, in case you didn’t notice.)

There are the unique encounters though that make the day entertaining, and here are my top three “pickup” lines from this week as a UPS driver helper.

An older gent approached me as I was unloading the UPS vehicle and yelled out, “You doin’ a lotta fingerprinting today?” That gave me pause. I’d never equated delivering packages with CSI: Miami. “Fingerprinting?” I asked, trying not to sound incredulous. Was he crazy? Why did I forget my pepper spray? He revealed that he was a delivery person from a trucking company many decades ago and that was an old term for moving boxes. I briefly had visions of guys in pinstripe suits and fedoras waving Tommy guns. “Hot crackers! Move dem dere boxes, wise guys!”

A younger guy came up to me between truck loads and asked me how hard it was to get a job with UPS. I told him about UPSJobs.com and that there were many avenues to get employment. With a little hard work and a few years of dedication, you would have a stable job and probably move up in the company. “A few years? That’s a long time,” he replied and walked off shortly afterward. I guess he was one of many that are looking for that get-rich-quick scheme I’ve been hearing about. Had I been quicker on my feet, I would have suggested winning the lottery.

The winner goes to the man who called out to me, “You know, this is the busiest time of year for you guys.” At the time I was navigating a heavy pushcart of boxes through mall crowds to a storefront. I appreciated the information he gave me. In fact, I appreciated all of the interaction with the public. Most everyone is friendly. But this guy needs to know that I silently awarded him the Captain Obvious Medal.